Never stand with your hands in your pockets
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I started caddying when I was 10 years old. To this day, many of my fondest memories as a kid were from my days at Indian Ridge Country Club. Man, I loved that place.
I’d hop out of bed at 6 AM, eat a quick breakfast, and ask my mom to drive me to work. For six years my mother drove me to work every single Saturday and Sunday morning at the crack of dawn to allow me to make $25 a day looping golf bags for five hours a day (that’s roughly $5 per hour). It’s a good thing my mom understood the value of strong work ethic, because Indian Ridge changed my life.
When I was thirteen years old, three years into caddying, I was offered a job in the “bag room” as a “bag boy.” It was one of the most exciting days of my life. I could still continue caddying, but I was now also able to work afternoons and make more money. And it meant a lot of responsibility. I would be the first person members saw when they entered and left the club. I would clean their clubs. Get their golf carts. Take care of their every wish. And I loved it.
During the day, the job consisted of a number of roles and tasks, but none were as important as standing post. Ultimately, this meant making sure that there was always at least one bag-boy at the front of the proshop to grab members golf bags and place them near the first tee and onto golf carts. Seeing a member carrying their own golf bag and clubs throughout the parking lot was a big no-no, and if there was one rule not to break, it was this one.
One day, Dave Lane, the golf pro at Indian Ridge at the time, approached me as I was standing post.
Mr. Lane said: “Ryan. What are you doing?”
I responded: “Nothing, Mr. Lane. Standing post.”
And I’ll never forget what he said.
Mr. Lane said: “Nothing is right. Ryan listen to me. Never stand with your hands in your pockets. It makes you look like you’re doing nothing. Stop handicapping yourself. Take your hands out of your pockets.”
When I got home that day, I told my mom the advice that Mr. Lane gave me.
To this day, when I go to events, I remind myself never to be the guy standing with his hands in his pockets, looking like he’s doing nothing.
Remind yourself of this post the next time you are at a startup event in town. Look around. Watch all of the people with their hands in their pockets. And then look at the people in the room who you think are the life of the party. The movers. The shakers. The people with big visions and big goals and big dreams and big plans. See where their hands are. And I’ll tell you one thing after observing this myself now personally time and time again. Their hands are not in their pockets.
My name is Ryan Durkin. I write so that I will never forget where I came from and what I stand for. I hope that this will motivate young people to realize their potential and become more productive than they ever imagined. That would make me truly happy.
If there’s one thing my dad has hammered into my brain since I was a kid, it’s that exact sentence.
And I bet you notice it when you’re out at events, too!
Yup, all the time.
I’m really grateful for having a blue collar dad for that reason.
Durkin,
Great post…but I challenge you to take it one step forward: what to do *instead*?
I think when you’re in an animated conversation it’s easy to have your hands gesticulating all over the place, but what about when you are just waiting…or listening attentively?
Keep cranking the killer posts! I feel like there’s probably a whole other post on other things you learned at the golf course!
Thanks,
Jason
Great comment. I will try finding a few videos and post them in the near future. The best person to watch on this is Donald Trump. His hands largely stand by his side in a way that looks comfortable and classy. And his hand movements convey power when he does move them. I will find some good videos and post. I’m a big fan of moving the hands away from “closed off” positions (hands in pockets, arms across the chest, etc), and instead being open by keeping your hands by your side. It makes you more approachable by others, and actually will give you the mental attitude of being more open to other’s thoughts and conversations as well. Funny how the body can influence the mind, and vise versa. Aint it?!?!
Ryan,
I like the anecdote as a fellow caddier myself and frequent startup event attendee. I don’t necessarily believe that hands in the pockets is a total no-no especially in an intimate standing setting but agree that the majority of the time it is not body language we should carry. The hands in the pockets, with arms hugging your body and cramped shoulders is something I’d consider a no-go.
In regards to body language as a whole and reading people, I’d recommend checking out “What Every BODY is Saying” – Joe Navarro. I’ve got a copy that I’d be glad to let you or Jason have. A nice hack for using the hands is keeping something in them (notepad) or drink, that way the motions seems much more natural. A normal object will keep them busy.
Keep up the blogging, some real good takeaways.
Great idea. I just bought it. Here is my favorite: The Definitive Book of Body Language.