What to do when meeting someone for the first time

January 6th, 2012

Tweet

So. You’re introduced to someone via email and you’ve never met the man/woman before. You have respect for the person who introduced you, but you’re a bit nervous. You’ve never met this homey before and you don’t know what the HECK you’re going to talk about. The day for the meeting approaches. You head out of your office / dorm / house and hop on the T / hop in your car / hop on your razor and speed your ass to the meeting. You’re on time. Nice. You’re looking gooooood. Perfect. Now, it’s time to talk. What do you say?!?!

I’ve seen the look of stress on many kids faces when they think about the idea of meeting a new person for the first time, especially if that person is significantly older than them. Young people often feel like they have nothing that they could possibly talk about that would be of interest to the other older, “more experienced” person.

Well, here’s a little trick.

Instead of focusing on YOU talking, guide the conversation to have THEM do 80+% of the talking.

I like introducing people together who I know will benefit from meeting one another. And often times the biggest benefit is the LEARNING that happens as a result of the conversation.

Doesn’t it make sense that if your goal is to LEARN as much as humanly possible, that you LISTEN as much as humanly possible? Well! If that’s the case, then doesn’t it make much more sense to ask the other person a lot of questions that you believe will allow you to learn as much as possible? Well. I surely think so!

I think one of the most interesting frame of minds that I keep my mind in when meeting people is to think about how the person I am speaking to got to where he/she is today. Where did they grow up? What are their career goals? Where are they at now in their career? What do they love about their current job? What do they think sucks really hardcore? Are they married? Kids? Do they hate kids, but love dogs? Do they hate dogs because their building doesn’t allow them, or because they genuinely hate dogs? What type of building do they live in? What part of the city do they live in? Why did they move there? Is there a secret in their commute at the Porter T-stop that you don’t know about? That the commuter rail leaves from there and goes directly to North Station? That the commute is 30 minutes shorter if you use this commuter rail than the red line at 8:30 AM? Are there any other secrets in Boston you don’t know about? Do they like Boston? What do they like to do in Boston? Why? Why the hell don’t they live in the mountains in Vermont? Do they hike? Because you like to hike. What are the three best books they recommend you read? Why? Who the hell are those authors? Are they good stories, or are they instrumental in defining themselves? Are they MUST-reads or are they good-to-read-but-if-you-don’t-no-biggie? What else do they think are no biggies? What do they think are VITAL? Make a list of those vital things.

Look at a meeting with a new person as an opportunity to LEARN, LEARN, LEARN and LEARN some more. Conversations should not be forced. So don’t force them. Start at the beginning of a person’s life and let that guide the rest of the conversation.

“Where did you grow up?”